5 Keys to Parenting

Top 5 Characteristics of a good parent

I went to a conference a few years ago regarding what makes a good parent. So often we think about sleep schedules, spanking vs time out, scaring our kids with too much or not enough, schedules, activities, etc. I was pleasantly surprised and grateful to find that counselors and statistics agreed with me that there are five key factors in raising healthy children. You might be surprised to learn that none of them have to do with methods

or rules. All five of them have to do with the culture or environment created within the home.

1) Do the parents work on their own mental health? Are we as the adult seeking to learn and grow as a person? Are we aware of our own strengths and weaknesses? Is self-care a priority? How can self-care be a priority? Who has the time? When we make taking care of ourselves a priority, we allow time for rest and fellowship with other parents. Rest allows us to have more clarity and to parent from a place of health and intention instead of reaction and distraction. Fellowship with other parents allows us to not feel alone in the parenting struggles. It can also give perspective to what is normal for each age and stage as well as insight into how others are managing different behaviors.

2) Is there laughter in the home? Are you teaching your kids how to laugh, joke, and have fun? Game nights can be an amazing tool for bonding, skill development, improving processing speed, and solidifying communication skills. Having random moments throughout the day to laugh, dance, joke allows for connection, destressing, and teaches kids how to enjoy simple moments.

3) Making room for autonomy. Allowing room for your child to have some sense of self and choice is important even from an early age. It doesn’t have to be something big. Simple choices between two options begin to give children a sense of having some control in their world and begin to help with developing decision-making skills as the size and importance of choices grows with their ability and skill level.

4) Demonstrating a healthy marital relationship. Do you and your spouse make time to create a healthy marriage? Do you demonstrate healthy affection? Do you demonstrate problem-solving and conflict resolution? Actions definitely speak louder than words. The old saying children live what they learn will be demonstrated to us as they grow into teens. It is important to role model healthy relationships and communication within the home.

5) Is there love and affection shown in the home? Do I take the time to say out loud how proud I am of the grades they brought home? Do I inquire about their day? Do I make time for them? Affection is shown in time and attention as well as hugs.

None of these key factors reflect a parenting model or method. The key to all of them is a mentally healthy parent with good boundaries and communication skills. The health of the family and kids will be determined by the mental health of the adults.