Parenting well during a Quarantine

Parenting well during a Quarantine

This is an unprecedented time in our history. We as adults can feel at loose ends not knowing what tomorrow may hold. There can be concerns about having a job, the economy, our health or the health of a loved one. I have talked with a lot of people who vacillate between anxiety and the shock and numbness of uncertainty. There are a few things we all can do to help us get through this time and stay mentally healthy. Let’s look at a few.

· Schedules are important - With the kids at home, every day can seem like a weekend or holiday where we become lax with schedules, bedtimes, house rules, screen time, etc. The problem is that for kids (as well as adults) rules and schedules equal stability and safety. A schedule, even a loose one, provides us with knowledge of what to expect from the day. It gives us something to look forward to or accomplish. Schedules give us a reason to get out of bed and get moving. Movement and sunshine directly affect our mood and energy levels. It doesn’t have to be detailed but has at least a few things you will accomplish in the day like a family yard project, dinner at the table together, schoolwork time, etc. I have been asking people to have at least 4-5 absolutes you will do each day ie shower, sunshine, walk/exercise 10-15 min at least, family dinner, something positive, etc.

· Sleep hygiene- I have talked to a lot of teens who have their days and nights mixed up. Parents this is not good, not just at this time but at any time. One of the most important things I feel parents can do is take up their kid’s electronics at 9 or 10 PM before bedtime. If you don’t do that I can almost guarantee at some point your kid will be exposed to something you don’t want them to handle alone ie a message from a stranger, a peer pressuring them for pictures, a friend texting them threatening to kill themselves, etc. Kids do not need to have their electronics at bedtime. The temptation to be on them is too much. I have kids who tell me they have played games and missed entire nights of sleep for a couple of days while going to school. Monitor and take up electronics. We all need at least 8 hours of sleep a night. Our bodies need a sleep routine and habit.

· Family time- Use this time to bond and connect as a family even it is just cleaning up the yard or house together. Start some traditions like family dinner at the table without electronics or television, game nights, movie nights, completing puzzles together. Having a family dinner teaches conversation skills, allows for connection, makes communication a priority. Ask open-ended questions like what was your high point and low point of the day? This allows you to keep tabs on what is going on in each other’s lives and what might be stressing out your child. Games like Pictionary, taboo, Skipbo, Phase 10 teach skills. These type games increase processing speed and help create shared meaning in communication skills with will help you in the teen years. Remember routines and schedules = safety and security to a child.

· Limit screen time- This applies to all family members. 75% of kids wish their parents would put down their screens and talk to them ie look at them and engage when they are trying to talk to them. A year ago the average person touched their screen 1500 times a day. Today the average person touches their screen 2600 times in a day. Screen time increases anxiety levels and feelings of restlessness, screen time is a way of numbing out, and screen time decreases attention spans. It is critical we all learn to limit our screen time.

I try to look for what I can learn and what I can be grateful for in each situation. I truly believe we as a society have been too focused on busyness and distraction for a long time. The pace of our lives has been hard to keep up leaving many of us exhausted, disconnected, and reactionary. What may seem like a scary uncertain time can also be a time for us to reevaluate some things. Let me share with you my hopes for this moment in history where we have been forced to put our lives on pause:

· I hope that we can all learn to slow down and utilize this time to examine our lives, goals, relationships for who we want to be and what we want out of life. I am still working but see several goals for how I want to create change in the pace of my work as we come out of this. When we slow down, we have more clarity and can be more intentional in how we choose to live and interact with others from a healthier place of kindness and presence. We can make relationships a priority and set goals for how we intend to continue to connect and communicate when our culture is set in motion again.

· I hope that we will make the most out of this time we have been given to have meaningful conversations with the people we care about. Some of the greatest conversations I have had with kids is when they are engaged in an everyday mundane activity. When their hands are busy, it seems to relax their guard and conversations flow more easily. This is a time to connect and establish rituals/traditions/times of connection ie family night, game night, movie night, date night, etc.

· I hope we do slow down. I hope that we can see the importance of rest and downtime in our lives. When we allow our mind and body space to rest, we see things more clearly, we are less judgmental of ourselves and others, we are kinder to ourselves and others, we live by choice and intention rather than reaction. I hope that we are able to find a more restful pace and make it a priority to maintain it.

· Most of all I hope that we learn something from this time. This is a once in a lifetime wake up call for us. I have learned a lot of things about myself. I want to be more intentional in setting aside time for things that matter to me. I have learned so much about how different our personality types are and how those personality types interpret what is going on in our world right now. For each person, that interpretation is their reality and governs the way they are living. It is eye-opening to watch this play out on social media. Hopefully, we can learn from this and have more understanding of how our personality type affects our interactions in everyday life.

To sum it up, slow down, connect with others, be kind, set goals, examine ourselves, learn, and be grateful. See this time as a gift, not just a burden and look for the lessons and simple moments to be grateful.